October 24th, 2011 by Kidsmomo
You know what we love here at Kidsmomo? CANDY! But you know what we love even more? Librarians! Yes, we’re super book nerds, but c’mon, people — librarians are like knowledge ninjas: you tell them something you like, and they look into their zen-stealth minds and tell you a book you’ll enjoy. How do they do it?!
So today we’re combining two things we love: CANDY and librarians! Check out this trick-or-tastic guest post from our friend, Kelly Butcher, who runs her own kidlit site called The Lemme Library. (And if you stop by her site, you’ll see that we have our own Halloween-themed guest post over there!)
I love Halloween and I look forward to it every year! What’s not to love? Candy, costumes, tricks, scary stuff, haunted houses, jack-o-lanterns, witches… Did I mention candy?
I have loved Halloween since I was a little kid. Back in my day, we had flammable, plastic costumes that cars couldn’t see… and we couldn’t see the cars because the eye holes on our masks were so small! Your face would get all sweaty from being under that tight plastic mask all night. But the candy! What a bounty! Homemade popcorn balls, full-size candy bars, caramel apples — with the occasional penny or toothbrush thrown in (some things don’t change!).
As much as I love Halloween, I have discovered that librarians and Halloween don’t really go together as well as I had hoped. There is something about the personality of a librarian that doesn’t scream “HALLOWEEN!”
Once I became a librarian, people stopped inviting me to go to haunted houses with them. They stopped asking me what I thought of their Halloween costume choices. And worst of all, they stopped inviting me to their Halloween parties.
In an attempt to reclaim my status as Queen of Halloween, I started doing a little research. After a few years of undercover work, I have discovered three reasons people don’t want a librarian at their Halloween parties.
I have done this work to help fellow librarians so they can once again be invited to all of those fun Halloween parties that they have been missing out on. If you know any librarians, encourage them to consult this list before Halloween so they can attempt to modify their behavior in hopes of getting a party invite this year!
1. Librarians love order. Librarians love sorting. Librarians love candy corn. Put all three things together and there is bound to be trouble. Allow me to explain: Look at this picture of candy corn and tell me what you see.
To the average party guest, you have a dish of sweet and yummy goodness. To a librarian you have a dish of mass chaos. There isn’t one librarian on Earth who could pass this dish without sorting the purple from the orange or taking out all of the chipped and damaged pieces. An old timer might even have to put the corn in order from smallest to biggest. This is the Number 1 reason that librarians don’t get invited to Halloween parties: a compulsive need to bring order to the candy corn dish.
2. Libraries are usually pretty quiet places. People go to the library to work and concentrate and research. So, throughout time, librarians have become obsessed with keeping things quiet. I bet everyone who reads this post has been shushed by a librarian once or twice.
Well, try as they might, librarians can’t help but take their shushing out of the library. That is fine in a dentist office or on the bus, but not at a Halloween party. You do not and should not shush a single zombie or werewolf on Halloween. It is unheard of! If you shush a party guest, you are bound to be banned from all future get-togethers. That is why the Number 2 reason librarians don’t get invited to Halloween parties is: shushing.
3. Librarians think everything in the world should relate to books. This is great, right? Yes, it is awesome — everything in the world SHOULD (and does) relate to books. But people at a Halloween party don’t want to talk about this fact, and librarians don’t understand that.
Most librarians come to a party dressed in a highly intellectual costume — a book character, a historical figure, or a political statement. Party-goers want things that relate to fright… werewolves, vampires, super heroes, television characters. They don’t have time to stand and listen to a librarian explain her costume. If you have to explain it, it isn’t cool.
See my Melville Dewey costume below, circa 2007. This is a prime example of why librarians aren’t invited to Halloween parties. (Now, add some fake blood and fangs and it would be an appropriate costume!)
I beg Kidsmomo and their super-smart readers to invite a librarian to their Halloween party this year. Just keep these tips in mind:
Don’t put out candy corn. Try a pre-wrapped candy instead. That way all the candy looks the same and librarians won’t have to sort the candy dish all night!
Reserve a room in your house for a “quiet zone.” Ask your librarian friends to police this room throughout the night and shush loud people and kick them out. The librarians will feel needed and their urge to shush people will be fulfilled.
Let your librarian friends dress as nerdy people from books and history. It is okay. Greet them with a hug, and secretly place a note like this on their back. It will make all the difference in the world! (I wish someone would have done it for me).
Together, we can rehabilitate librarians and get them back into the Halloween party scene. Librarians can be loads of fun… trust me! Thank you for your time and support.
Happy Halloween from The Lemme Library!
Jack-o-lantern photo from flickr user wwarby. Candy corn photo from flickr user Shayna Hartley. Kids in costume photo from Modern Kiddo. Other images courtesy Kelly Butcher.