September 15th, 2010 by Kidsmomo
A couple weeks ago, we were kidnapped by an evil mastermind and forced to post about his new book, How to Grow Up and Rule the World. Er, we mean… we were contacted by a friendly minion and then happily announced the opportunity to interview Vordak the Incomprehensible, supervillain and newly published author. Yay? We mean, YAY!
And in fact, EXTRA YAY because today’s the day we get to share Vordak’s wisdom with you!
But first, in case you need a refresher, How to Grow Up and Rule the World is a thorough manual on everything you need to know to become a dastardly master of the universe — from ideas for a killer costume (literally) to tips on communicating with your arch-nemesis. We really gobbled this book up! Then again, if we hadn’t, we would have been gobbled up by the sharks swimming around under the cage we were in, so that may not be the most objective review…
But now we’re safe at home and truly excited to present to you… our Q&A with Vordak the Incomprehensible!
Why should kids read your book?
Vordak: Because if they try to eat it, they’ll miss all the great illustrations.
What’s the #1 most important tip in your book? If kids only remember one piece of your advice, what should it be?
Vordak: Let me get this straight — you’re asking me to GIVE AWAY my #1 piece of advice? For FREE? That may work with other authors, but not Vordak the Incomprehensible. It appears you think me a fool. I’ll tell you what. I’ll give you my #56 piece of advice, but only if everyone who reads it agrees to send me $25 in the mail.
Which of your evil feats are you most proud of?
Vordak: I would have to say Dancing With The Stars. That was MY idea, you know. MUAHAHAHAHA!!
Are there any evil feats that you regret?
Vordak: I regret my attempt to drill through the earth’s crust in order to destabilize the tectonic plates and send California crashing into the Pacific Ocean. I accidentally severed my Comcast cable and had to watch reruns of The Nanny on VHS for a week.
We know you’re in retirement now. Is there anything that would motivate you to actively pursue world domination again?
Vordak: Funny you should mention that as I am currently in the process of concocting a top secret, incredibly evil plan to………I mean NO!
What were your favorite books when you were a kid?
Vordak: There isn’t much out there in terms of Supervillains, so I turned to comic books. Doctor Doom was a personal favorite. When in the mood for a challenge, I would read WAR AND PEACE… from back to front… upside down. Then I turned 7.
We used your Inconceivably Evil Evil Name Generator to come up with our own terrifying titles. Karen is Voldax the Diabolical, and Nancy is Zolmar the Impatient. Pretty snazzy, huh? What do you think?
Vordak: Excellent! But that is to be expected — I DID create the name generator, after all. I will answer this question more fully in 3 weeks (deal with THAT, Zolmar!)
You use a lot of alliteration. In fact, your book is brimming — nay, bursting — with alliteration. That doesn’t seem especially evil. Could it be you’re really a peaceful poet inside, not a vile villain?
Vordak: GREAT GASSY GOBLINS! Not especially evil?! Let me quote directly from my Monumental Masterpiece: “piddling piece of pond scum”, “Simply tie your victim to the conveyor belt, set the speed, and gaze gleefully as he gradually glides toward his grisly good-bye.” PLENTY of evil there, if you ask me, so lay off my alarmingly alluring alliterations, already! Alright?
A couple of Kidsmomo readers also submitted their questions for Vordak:
From Melina, age 11, in Texas (who also has her own book blog): Hello Vordak, I came out of lair to post a comment here at kidsmomo. I have only one question for your superior mind to answer. Which evil weapon is your all-time favorite and why? Signed, Aspiring Super Villain, Melina
Vordak: Well, Melina, that would be my Shriek-Inducing Shrink Ray, which I’ve found to be a great money saver. I can shrink fruits and veggies at the grocery store so they don’t weigh as much when the cashier puts them on the scale. When I return to my lair, I use my Grandiose Growth Ray to return them to actual size. MUAHAHAHAHA!! Come to think of it, I should probably have been making them even larger than actual size. ACK!
From Stav, age 39, in New York: What are good villainous qualities we should encourage in our children as they grow up?
Vordak: Don’t worry, Stav, you’re instilling plenty right now without even realizing it. Your children see you every day, going about your business in a good, honest, decent manner and treating others with kindness and respect. They also see that you aren’t even CLOSE to RULING THE WORLD! MUAHAHAHAHA!!
So there you have it — our Q&A with Vordak the Incomprehensible, supervillain and apparently the creator behind Dancing with the Stars!
Leave a comment or submit a review if you’ve read his book! And if you haven’t, uh, you might want to do that soon — because Vordak and his minions can be pretty persuasive if they need to be. Believe us, we know from experience…