Doomed Cross-Book Couples

February 16th, 2012 by

As I’ve mentioned before in our podcasts, I lurrrrve books with romance and cute couples… and you know what’s just as fun as all the lovey-dovey stuff? Drama! Jealousy! Crushes and unrequited love! (Only if it’s happening to fictional characters, of course. That stuff’s no fun in real life.)

Karen presented some cross-book characters that would make great couples, but how about cross-book characters that would make TERRIBLE couples? (But would probably be pretty funny to read about.)

Non-Couple #1: Hermione Granger (Harry Potter) + Greg Heffley (Diary of a Wimpy Kid)

Hermione is the ultimate straight-A — I mean, straight-O student — and Greg’s slacker attitude would definitely annoy her to no end… Plus, Greg probably would get pretty bored unsuccessfully trying to convince her to collude on his get-famous/popular-quick schemes.

Also, I have a feeling that Greg, upon discovering Hermione’s real magical abilities, would first completely freak out… and then try to get Hermione in on one of those get-famous/popular-quick schemes. Which, as we already covered, Hermione would not approve of.

Non-Couple #2: Dwight (Strange Case of Origami Yoda) and Jamie Kelley (Dear Dumb Diary)

Dwight: An oddball who gives sage but cryptic advice from an origami puppet of a famous but super nerdy movie.

Jamie: Busy dealing with friend Isabella and frenemy Angeline, and middle school in general.

Dwight’s enigmatic behavior would drive Jamie nuts; Jamie’s neurotic behavior would drive Dwight (quietly) nuts.

Non-Couple #3: Kristy Thomas (The Baby-Sitter’s Club) + Colin Craven (The Secret Garden)

Kristy is athletic, outgoing, and slightly bossy. Okay, she’s actually very bossy. And Colin, when we first meet him, is an equally bossy, spoiled, sickly, bitter child… and (spoiler alert!!!) even though he eventually gains his physical strength back, his bossiness level still stays pretty high. They would end up arguing all the time!

Non-Couple #4: Hawkfrost (Warriors) + Harold the Dog (Bunnicula)

It’s not just because their species are incompatible!

Hawkfrost is cunning, mysterious, and a fighter of the RiverClan, while Harold would just want to stay out of trouble, curl up by the fire at home and tell a good story. They are just not meant to be.


But who knows, maybe opposites do attract? Leave other doomed cross-book romances suggestions in the comments!

— Nancy

Nancy’s current doomed-to-fail relationship is the relationship she has with her ever-growing pile of laundry. She really wants it to go away but it insists on lying around her apartment.

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